My Current Problem

(This is an old blog post which I have changed a little bit to make it more relevant to me today)

“Lately, I've been, I've been losing sleep. Dreaming about the things that we could be” I was skeptical about using that quote to start this blog post; If you’re a regular music listener then I’m sure that you have already realized that that quote is from the song Counting Stars by One Republic. That particular line has been a matter of relevance for me over the last few weeks. I’m sure if you follow me on any of my other social networking sites (specifically Twitter) you will have noticed a lot of my posts have been, well… a tad depressing, which I apologize wholeheartedly about.  This is because I seem to have slipped into an existential crisis which at the moment I’m having no luck at escaping; I feel as though the gates of hell have been opened and I’m stuck in purgatory, not in total disaster because I’m not in hell, however I’m in the space which is at the moment, seemingly impossible to escape (wow what a shitty metaphor).

Anyway back to the reason why I used that particular quote to start off this post. My mind has currently been overthinking every single situation and making different scenarios from them, not only this but I’m beginning to question my own purpose in the world. Lately I've been lying in bed, usually in the early hours of the morning because I’m a crazed insomniac, and I've been thinking about what I want to do in life, what I could be, where I could go, and to be honest I have no idea.

In June last year I finished compulsory education and I decided to take a gap year. I made this decision primarily to give me more time to focus on a career path, and secondly because I wanted to do some travelling. I hoped, and I still am hoping that this year out and the traveling to come in the near future will help me put my life into perspective, and decide what I actually want to do in life. Most of my friends are now at university, and most of them have already decided the chosen career path they want to go down; then there I am; sat in my bedroom making YouTube videos whilst having an existential crisis, as you can see I’m living the high life.

So far I have been to Playlist Live in Orlando, Florida. It was honestly one of the most amazing and crazy experiences of my life. It was lovely to meet so many people who watch me from across the pond, and to get chance to meet and chat to Youtubers who I, myself have watched for many years. Playlist was over a month ago now, and every single day I miss it. I'm planning my next American trip as we speak!

I'm still indecisive about what I want to do as a career. The thought of planning my life out at this moment in time just seems too complex and difficult. I feel as though I should care about the future, but I shouldn't care about it too much. I should be living in, and enjoying the present. I've just finished applying to university, and I got accepted, which is pretty cool. That means that in September, I should hopefully be moving to London to study Digital Media and Film - something which I'm really looking forward to do. When people ask me about the degree and ask me about the career I want. I'm totally blank. I know I want to do something creative and in the media. However I just don't know what yet. I've had so many different careers which I've wanted to go down in the past, so at the moment i'm scared that if I stick to wanting to do one thing, in a years time I might feel completely different and feel trapped.

As a young child I wanted to be an astronaut, I wanted to help colonize the stars and help in the process of terraforming mars into a habitable planet. As I have grown up and reality hit me, and I gained a little bit of common sense (I still don’t have much) I realized that this probably wouldn't happen in my life time so I should look at something which is more reachable. I've gone from wanting to be an astronaut, to an archaeologist, to a history teacher, and now we are in the present, I have no idea apart from the fact that I want it to be media related.

Thanks for reading my blog post. Hopefully things will soon become clearer and I can get everything back on track, however at the moment I’ll most likely go back to questioning my life, and my purpose, and my significance in the universe.

If there's one thing to take away from this blog post it's the fact that you shouldn't worry about the present, and get caught up in the future, because the best is yet to come.

Wow that was like Becoming YouTube deep.

If I've set this up correctly you should be able to leave a comment below. Let me know if you've ever felt like this. Let's have a good little chat :) I'll let you bring the cup of tea ;)